No matter how much two people have in common,
they will always be different in many ways. And
that can be challenging.
Do you feel you can speak up about issues that bug
you, hurt you, scare you when your partner
behaves in ways you don't like? Or are you afraid
that speaking up will threaten your relationship?
If you fear that speaking up will make too big a
problem, then you’re voting for your fear and your
lack of value. Your fear won't let you talk about
changes you want (and we ALL want some changes
in a long term relationship) and you’re insisting
you aren't worthy of having a voice -- only your
partner’s ways count!
The other day Jim was touching up paint on
molding he'd put up in our hallway upstairs -- and
he was standing on an antique carpet runner
we'd purchased at an auction here.
Judith was horrified of a potential paint spill and shocked
Jim would take the risk. So she said, "Jim, please
don't leave anything valuable around when you're
painting." And Jim said, "I'm being careful." Judith
replied, "OK, but most accidents happen when we're
being careful. Please don't do it." In response Jim
rolled up the rug and vowed he’d never do it again.
He wanted her to be comfortable and not worried.
If Judith hadn't spoken she would have stewed over
how dumb Jim can be, how his parents were dumb
not to teach him to protect things and she would have
built a private case against Jim, distrusting him more
and more, undermining our relationship. That's the
destructive power of not speaking up!
In the new intimacy, love is based on continually
creating the relationship. Both people are loved for
who they are and feel safe to speak up.
Don't cheat your love by hiding your complaints or
desires -- it needs the fertilizer of your speaking up!
********
Ready to expand your availability for real love?
Then take Judith & Jim up on their one-hour, no-cost
audio download, "The Promise of Conflict" to help you
strengthen your power to ask. Just go to:
http://www.themagicofdifferences.com/promise-of-conflict.html
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