Romantic conflicts are as common as . . .
Chores, Money, Sex, In-laws, Holidays, Feeling Ignored, Vacations,
Disciplining the Children, Enough Time Together, Lack of Listening,
Dirty Fighting, The "Right Way" to Do Things, "You Just Don't Get It,"
and on and on . . .
And you’ve got your own unique trouble spots that make conflicts
even more conusing.
That’s why we offer 5 keys to a romantic outcome, when you know
how to resolve your conflicts in a way that benefits each of you,
and your relationship.
1) You Are Both Right: each of you brings some piece of the truth
about the conflict
and
You Are Both Wrong: each of you brings some distortion. If there
were no distortion there would be no conflict.
Furthermore, you are dead wrong if you believe that your lover's point
of view is "ridiculous" or "stupid" or any other dismissive comment.
That denies your partner's right to be unique in their own right.
Remember, the other person is not you. And your conflict is simply a
natural outcome of your differences clashing.
2) There’s Magic in Your Differences
Because each of you is unique, you won’t always see things the
same way. That’s guaranteed! But there is powerful and very romantic
magic in your differing points of view.
How?
When you find yourselves in conflict, that’s the chance to come together to
find a resolution that enhances the well being of your relationship.
That will always produce a richer, deeper, and more intimate understanding
of yourselves, each other, and your life together.
That's the magical value of conflict.
3) Don't Try To Win!
Why would you want to triumph over the person you love? No one likes
to lose and the winner never really wins because the other person just
gets you back in the end anyway. Where's the prize in that?
A conflict is like an SOS, a signal that something's not working and must
be attended to. This view of conflict offers the chance for you both to get
your feelings and needs on the table so you can examine what needs to be
change --- for the benefit of your being together.
4) Give Up Me! Me! Me! And That Goes For Both Of You!
We all have the impulse to think that our way is the right way. The only
right way. But a relationship offers the magical and spiritual opportunity
to grow beyond that adolescent point of view to learn to include your
partner.
There's a paradox in that because the more you can listen to and
understand your partner, the more you will be heard and understood.
When you stop focusing exclusively on you, more of what you want
will be available.
5) You Get to Be Loved for Who You Really Are
When you resolve conflicts, keeping the well being of your relationship as
your primary goal, you continually rejoice in being together as individuals.
Each of you remains unique in your own way, committed to being present,
and, at the same time, you increasingly learn to include your partner's ways
of feeling, thinking, and behaving.
You keep discovering that you feel closer and closer for having worked
through whatever conflict you just ran into. And increasingly you can
trust that you are loved for being who you really are.
Now that's romantic.
*****
If you’re ready for more romance in your life, get Judith & Jim’s
free tips for making the ordinary moments in your relationship
extraordinary. Just go to:
http://www.makingtheordinaryextraordinary.com |
